TUESDAY 15TH JULY : GETTING BUSTED


I had a slightly different New York experience last night but one which I will remember for many moons. The Lady had come back from a business trip to Puerto Rico (should I believe her?) and I decided to celebrate by getting a bottle of Pinot Grig. Have you been to the Hudson River Park?

Fk! It's a Mediterranean promenade! Miles and miles with landscaped garden-piers, free canoe/kayaking/ cycle hire and even a clown school.

And what is lovely is that you can sit on a beautiful day and watch te sun go down - all that's missing is a Salinas Beach (Ibiza) DJ playing Balaeric tunes and maybe some of the beach residents.

So me and the lady smuggled a bottle of wine up to the end of the pier and she read through the first draft of my screenplay 'Robert Two Bellies'. I had to sedate her by pouring quite a lot of wine into her glass as the criticism was pretty harsh at first. The sun went down and it was beautiful (she didn't say "I don't get it for at least five minutes). Then when we forgot where we were and she was squinting to read under the lamp-post light two of New York's finest turned up in green on their cycles.

"Is that Alcohol you have there?" the mouthstached one said. I answered no, the lady answered yes.

"I could smell it you see," he continued. What? Smell white wine above the pong of the Hudson? I took a look at the other green-shirt. She was bigger built than oustache so I thought I'd comply. Mstch told me that it was an offence and that he could take us down the precinct.

For a moment I thought what a great USA experience to get nicked and spend some time in a cell like the one Dan Ackroyd was in in Trading Places. Then I realised that the film was shot in the 80s when people realy were freaks and NYC was a little dodgy.

So the Lady nudged me as we handed over the bottle hidden in her bag and I did an over the top Brit on vacation skit. I told him that I was very sorry and that we could drink anywhere we wanted in England (except Coventry I think - but who would dare go there). He turned round, looked at my belly and asked if I drank a lot? That did it... there is only so much you can take fromt he boys in Green. I went for the bottle (it still had half a glassful) and the bigger officer grabbed me. Fk - she was strong.

They let the lady off with a warning and I had to go to the precinct. Have you ever riden on the handlebars as an adult? And handcuffed? After that experience the jail was fine. I was even given my one call - but I really didn't know what to do with it. I waited.

And waited.

And then the Lady's father turned up to get me out.

Now I'm in real sht.

I mumbled something about "Nanny State" and the possible father in law explained to me in not too simple terms how he'd "look after me" if I carried on the way I was going.

Better get a job soon to show that I am caring and not daring future possible son-in-law or I'm back to blighty with weekends in the park or pub garden getting sozzled. Do I miss it? Not one jot.

Posted by Guy Brighton on July 14, 2003 at 07:51 PM | Tags/Topics: | | (0) | | Add GB To Your News Feed

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