So I stumble out of a flat somewhere in Brooklyn after two hours of football followed by a penalty shoot out that brought England to their end. I walk down the four flights of stairs bumping into the wall then the banister then the wall; trying to ignore the flashbacks in my head. I puff a cigarette to the subway, head down, miserable. The words, "If only" sping in mind time and again. At the subway entrance I flick the cigarette to the street in contempt.
Later that evening I tell the Lady about how I watched a woman drop a top a third way down the train by accident and then carried down to the end of the carriage unaware. I looked at the people around the white fabric sat in the center of the train's passageway and think that they must have seeb it. In fact I notice one or two look at the top then down the train towards the lady. I felt sad but I didn't want the lady to be sad. So I got up and fetched it for her. She was thankful and the Lady, later, seemed pleased by my behaviour - although she was quiet and all she said was, "Bloody New Yorkers."
I then told her that I told a panhandler/scrounger to F$£k Right Off before he could start his plea for cash. He left the train grumbling and I deftly missed his elbow at my cheek. The Lady was a little more open about her feelings this time.
She then told me this story about the woman killed yesterday at Brooklyn Bridge Station and I realised how wrong it was to have been so sad, to be so angry.
I must always remember: life is sweet. It is only a game.
Posted by Guy Brighton on June 24, 2004 at 10:23 PM
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